


His choice, red bleeding on gold

by Chysack



Series: every tear in the sky will die [5]
Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: About to Die, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Death, Gen, Isu bullshit, Not A Fix-It, Not graphic but almost, i'm sorry Desmond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27267535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chysack/pseuds/Chysack
Summary: A human mind cannot quietly accept that it must die when it does not want to.
Series: every tear in the sky will die [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2017274
Comments: 11
Kudos: 35





	His choice, red bleeding on gold

So that's it. It all comes down to this. He can choose for himself between dying and dying, but the rest of the world does not get a say: a quiet ceremony, miles under the warm soil of the Earth, him the sacrifice, and they the goddesses he is handing the world to.

They look so similar. So stupidly, profoundly humans, despite the eerie glow of their skin and clothes. Minerva, so selfishly thinking that humans would be better dead than enslaved, for that is what she fought against. Juno, so arrogant as to think her place is out there, deity of a world that does not want her.

It all comes down to this: save the world and pray as you die that it will be able to save itself; or die with it.

Something is trying to tore out of his throat, scream or cry he does not know.

This is not  _ fair. _ He feels so childish as the thought circles in his head, so naive. Aren't heroes supposed to die happy to have saved the world? Isn't he supposed to let the life he doesn't get to live behind him with a smile and a joke? Isn't he supposed to just stop, stop telling the story, act as if everything is already finished, over and done with? Act as if -as if he doesn't  _ get _ to chose, doesn't  _ get _ to hesitate, to rebel-

It is not fair, it is so cruel and violent, and he feels himself trying to separate his life in two parts, into alive and then dead -you were alive before you stepped in here, before you found the Apple, before you followed Lucy, before you bought that damn motorcycle, before you ran away, before the training, before you were  _ born,  _ you don't need to worry about living, you have been in Death's embrace for month now-   


He doesn't get to be alive, not anymore. And he feels himself try to accept his life as something of the past and he wants to  _ cry _ at the unfairness of it all. Why doesn't  _ he  _ have a right to freedom? Why can't  _ he _ let someone else deal with it, close his eyes and hope the world doesn't end in fire and chaos? 

And still the both of them are here, long dead and yet not. _What is there, once I close my eyes for the final time? Do I get to see my family? Is it as Altaïr once thought, this great nothingness?_ _Do I get to live again, in time and world so foreign they will make me forget everything I ever was?_ He doesn't want to hear what they would answer. He doesn't want this layer of manipulation to be added to his last moment. The end of his story.

This is not **fair** why me why can't it stop why should _ I  _ be the one not fair I don't want to please get away  _ away _ stop die I don't want to  **I don't want to die** let me leave let me leave let me dad dad I'm so sorry I  _ hated _ you I'm so sorry I hate you  _ still _ I hate all of you why can't  _ you _ do it why must it be me why did they make me why do I have to die for a freedom I never got to have in what world,  **in what world is this justice** -

The scream doesn't seem to be able to rip his throat apart to get out and he feels it build up in his chest, as if hoping the air trapped in his lungs will cause enough of a resonance to let this frail body explode, leave him dead inside out and the world to burn without him having to let the goddesses chose in his place.

There is only that: Juno's choice or Minerva's choice. Die alone or leave everyone to die.

The scream still cannot escape, and Desmond feels it morphing into sobs just as his hand closes around the Eye-please-let-it-be-quick-let-me-not-change-my-mind-let-me-not- **_die_ ** -

The sobs are followed by screams soon enough, ugly, scratching at the walls, still trying to get out to express the pain and anguish they carry to the rest of the world.

  
He feels himself die every painful, slow, step of the way. Thousands of questions and pleading and every second, every second the flare lasts he knows he could change his mind and he  _ wants to _ , he wants to  _ so badly _ \- until there is no mind to be changed anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> France is confined again, they said yesterday. It took a day to sink in.


End file.
